dear 11 pm

I'm neither going to talk about how hard I've tried to forget you nor how desperate I live my life after you got me dumped. No.. it's not about that.
One thing that I really really need you to know is that.. what I've said to you.. I know that was really really not funny. That was a kind of "only a cheap girl doing this". and I know I've should not do that.
But at that time.. you know.. that's the only thing I wish I could said to you. and I put all my hope to even just become your friend on a gaming table. then I lost. I lost a lot.
I don't mind about that, really. well, I've never win your heart.
but one thing that.. come on.. I still don't believe that you said...that me.. sarap!
hoh..
you know.. I didn't know how to handle myself when that word came out on your status.
damn.. you know.. I really really wanted to slap you on your face, kick your ass, or maybe just staring you with a speechless glaring.... how dare you say that hei man!

yaa.. maybe I never change myself. I'm still the same with that little cheap girl ten years ago. that little cheap girl who always follow every step you go, that little cheap girl who always call you everyday just to ask a same question, what's wrong with you? why are you so cool for not say even a word to me after you know that.. ya.. I like you? and you just simply answered... dingin? emang gw kulkas... *hell.
that little cheap girl who dare to give you a wallet as your birthday present, that little cheap girl who can't hide a smile when they make fun of us *but you also can't handle that sour face.. *again.. hell.
that little cheap girl who always dream about you everyday. even I still dreamed about you few days ago. damn! ok enough.

halo alvin, I want you know that I'm not a cheap girl, but when it's talk about you, then I couldn't help much.
You should know that in my life I just have one bullet on my gun, and I've done with that. sorry to make you an unlucky guy because I choose to give it to you. believe me it will be only you.

you know, after years not seeing you, I wish someday we could meet and you'll look at me as a new me. then you can erase that little cheap girl memory from your mind. You'll respect me, and you'll think that I've moved on, but In fact, I ruined everything.

well, Im getting my pride back. I will never lose it anymore.
I'm done with you.
I hope we'll never meet again. It's better like that.
thanks for everything.